


More than 7 Dwarfs in Penis Land

by Burning_Up_A_Sun



Series: Adult Education [11]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blizzards & Snowstorms, Ice Skating, JammsVerse, M/M, New York City, Snow, accidental porn, children being adorbs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 02:09:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5809426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burning_Up_A_Sun/pseuds/Burning_Up_A_Sun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Sherlock take their 4 year old triplets to New York City, and they bribe Greg and Mycroft to come along, Promising the trip of a life time. </p>
<p>They didn't lie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More than 7 Dwarfs in Penis Land

**Author's Note:**

> Flash Freeze Fic Challenge 2016 because snow. and porn. so why not. 
> 
> This takes place in my AU, but all you need to know is that John and Sherlock are married and have triplets (2 boys 1 girl), and Mystrade is a thing.

“—And I’m live from outside Rockefeller Plaza, where only a few hearty souls have come to skate today.”

The camera followed the reporter as she looked over her shoulder at the four adults and three young children who had the outdoor rink to themselves.

“Forecasters are predicting one and a half to two feet of snow today, and right now we have—” She’d held the yard stick behind her back while she spoke, until it was time to jam it down into the accumulation. “—Just over six inches. Stay warm and stay inside. Back to the studio.”

The camera focused over her shoulder at one of the children whose hat had slipped off. Curls almost as red as the child’s cheeks, but the cold hadn’t stopped the smile.

Greg wobbled on his skates as he held Wills upright with one hand and tried to replace his hat with other.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bea tumble forward onto the ice. She scrabbled to hold onto Sherlock’s jacket, pulling him down atop of her. Because he’d held Teddy’s hand, Teddy fell into the pile, pulling John over as John tried to help.

“Man down!” Greg hollered to Mycroft, who’d been skating by himself, practicing his camel spins and Salchows at the other end of the ice.

Mycroft skated elegantly toward them and assessed the pile from all sides. “I believe you mean 2 men, one boy, and one girl down.” He sniffed over the top of his scarf. It muffled his voice, but it was worth it to keep warm in this godforsaken ice arena.

The bulky, pink snowsuit wiggled out from the melee. “I okay, Unca Mykie.”

He would absolutely deny that his cheeks pinked at all from the nickname. He picked up the bundle, careful not to slice his leg on her blades. “Beatrice. What have I told you about that.”

A cascade of giggles caught Mycroft off guard. “You say, not in funt of anyone elssse!”

He tapped their noses together and then pushed her blue glasses to the top of her nose again. “Right. It’s our secret.”

“Down peeeeease.” Bea wiggled until Mycroft had no choice but to place her on her blades on the ice. She shuffled away, clearing the new snow as she went.

Greg listened to the groans and giggles coming from the still-tangled arms and legs and Down clothing. He let go of Wills long enough to offer his hand to John, taking the chance that between the two fathers, John would respond with better humor than Sherlock. Also, John was on top of the pile and easier to pull to standing.

John wheezed from laughing but contained himself long enough to pull Teddy out from underneath Sherlock, who’d had the blessed sense at the last minute to fall on his palms and knees instead of on top of the children.

“You okay, mate?” John’s voice was soft and steady as he checked Teddy for breaks or bruises.

“Again!” Teddy cheered and, forgetting he was on ice skates, jumped up and fell immediately onto his bottom. His cheers turned to tears until John picked him up and snuggled him.

Sherlock’s head hung between his shoulders, snow accumulating on the back of his coat. “John, I’m afraid I seem to require your assistance to stand.”

Something in Sherlock’s tone rattled John, who handed Teddy over to Mycroft. “It’s ok, Sherlock. I’ve got you.” Between their height difference and the razor-thin blades, helping Sherlock up was more difficult than John expected. It took three adults to get the fourth upright.

“Dada, you face is snow white.” Bea pointed at Sherlock and laughed because her Dada did have curly hair like Snow White.

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall. Who’s the Daddiest of them all?” Wills asked, his voice high and squeaky.

“Come along, ducks. Follow me, and we’ll find someplace warm with hot chocolate.” Mycroft led the ducklings away from Sherlock to give John and Greg time to assess Sherlock’s knee. He quacked out rhythms, and the three children shuffled along the snowy ice quacking the rhythms in return.

The spill had shredded the right knee of Sherlock’s new snow pants. He limped over to the fence, leaning on Greg’s shoulder. John opened the gate, and Sherlock collapsed onto the bleachers.

“How does it feel?” John asked as he pushed his gloved finger through the slices in the fabric.

Color had begun to return to Sherlock’s face. “I’m certain it would feel better if you’d stop prodding it.” He waved away John’s help and flexed his knee. “I don’t think I’ll be able to walk to Central Park as we had planned.”

Greg returned with their snow boots and looked up at the heavy, grey sky. “Sherlock, they’re calling for two feet of snow. No one’s going anywhere. Especially this Florida boy. I wasn’t made for this stuff.”

John unlaced Sherlock’s skates and eased his foot out, careful not to jostle his knee. In boots, Sherlock could stand on his own. He walked close to John, watching for wet, slippery patches on the floor where he might slip.

They followed Mycroft’s directions to a diner that remained open in spite of the snow. He sat amid the three four-year-olds, entertaining them with spy stories featuring a genius, ginger protagonist.

“PoppyDadaPoppyDada.” The children called out when the jingle bells on the door announced their arrival.

Sherlock pouted and kissed Bea’s curls. “I thought I was Snow White.” He sat on the bench next to her, but his right leg remained extended in the aisle.

Greg slid in next to Mycroft and grabbed his mug, not caring what was in it as long as it was warm. He held it up to his cheek and sighed.

John budged Greg over until he had room to sit. He stared at Sherlock, whose color had finally returned to his face. “Lips red as the rose. Hair black as ebony. Skin white as snow. Yes. You’re my Snow White.” A slow smile spread across John’s face, realizing for the hundredth time that day how much he loved his husband.

Greg gagged.

Mycroft grabbed the mug back from Greg so he could bury his face in it instead of scoffing.

“Unca Myki-roft.” Bea remembered at the last minute and caught herself as Mycroft glared. _Actually, it was the least glaring glare he’d ever glared. Dammit, I’m going soft, Mycroft thought._

“Are Papa and Dada gonna kiss?” she asked, and Teddy and Wills groaned and yechhhhed.

“I sincerely hope not, Beatrice.” Mycroft hid his smile behind his mug. “I fear Uncle Gregory’s stomach wouldn’t stand it.”

Wills raised his hand to speak, but blurted out, “I think he was pretending, Uncle Mycroft.”

Mycroft pursed his lips and looked at Greg, whose face was wide-eyed and innocent. “William, I do believe you are correct.” He turned to Greg and said, “You sir, shall be punished accordingly.”

Greg waggled his eyebrows and mouthed _promise?_ causing Mycroft’s neck and cheeks to turn red.

“Let’s take this party back to the hotel.” John bundled the children back into their snowsuits and held the door open for them all as they left. “We can watch cartoons and maybe the concierge has a copy of Snow White we can watch.”

They sang as they slogged single file through the blizzard with Mycroft at the head of the line and John bringing up the rear. Greg walked close to Sherlock, monitoring the snow’s depth and slipperiness.

While the others took the elevator to their suite, John remained downstairs to raid the hotel’s gift shop of junk food and to locate the concierge. “Good news,” he said as he entered their suite. “I have food, and a cane to help Dada’s knee. And they have a copy of **_Snow White_** that they’re sending up!”

The children cheered as they peeled out of their wet clothes and into their pajamas, even though it wasn’t even noon. While John dished out napkins of potato chips and cheese curls, Sherlock answered the knock on the door.

He popped the DVD into the television’s player and they sat down to watch their favorite Disney movie.

Before the opening credits began, moaning and slapping sounds came from the television, and a deep male voice said, _fuckyeah, suck my cock baby._

The adults were stunned into immobility.

When the picture came into focus, a man was on his knees in front of the hugest cock Sherlock had ever seen. And that included John’s. _Lips red as the rose,_ the actor said as he pulled his dick from the other actor's mouth. And as he came on the man’s face, he said, _Skin white as snow_.

At once, the four men leapt forward, struggling to turn off the television, or eject the DVD or hide the screen from the children who were trying to figure out why they’d never seen this part of the movie before. Forgetting he was injured, Sherlock stood too fast and slammed face first into the rug.

“This funny,” Bea said, pushing her glasses back up her nose to see the silly adults better.

“I don’t think that’s _**Snow White**_ ,” Teddy said, his head cocked to the side as he stared at the tv.

“Not the _**Snow White**_ we have,” Wills agreed, peeking at the screen through his fingers.

When John finally ejected the disc, he read the black marker scrawl. “Snow White and the Hungsman.”

“They sent us a porno?” Greg asked, shaking his head and biting his lips.

Sherlock recovered enough to grab the remote from the television stand and switch on the Disney Channel. “There. Doc McStuffins. Watch. Eat.”

He grabbed the cane and pulled John by the arm into their bedroom. “Really?”

“Don’t blame me, you git. You put it in the machine.” John poked Sherlock in the chest, sounding stern until he sputtered and doubled over laughing.

“When you promised me a trip to New York we would never forget,” Mycroft said with a raised eyebrow as he and Greg joined the other two. “I had no idea you meant a blizzard of the century and pornography.”

“I would’ve been happy with just the blizzard.” Greg nodded and wiped at his eyes. “But y’all know how to throw a party. What time did you hire the stripper for?”

John patted Sherlock’s arm in solidarity, hoping Sherlock wouldn’t remember that John was the one who’d actually spoken to the concierge. “Oh. Oh my god.” John hid his face in his hand. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said, _my mates and I want to watch Snow White_.”

Giggles rolled in from the other room. The children had given up watching the show and instead acted out, with Bea as the doctor and Teddy a stuffed bear with a hurt right knee.

“They won’t even remember this,” Greg said in his firm, principal’s voice. “We’re the ones scarred. That man’s dick was frightening.”

Sherlock stared at Mycroft but spoke to Greg. “Are you saying my brother has a—teeny weenie peenie?”

“For God’s sake Sherlock. Grow up.” Mycroft stormed away, into the other room to play with the children.

Greg threw his hands in the air and grumbled. “It’s your fault. I have to be nice to him now.” He followed Mycroft into the suite’s living area.

“It’s just the two of us now,” Sherlock leered at John, slowly backing him toward the bed. “My plan worked. I thought the man’s penis was small, all things considered.”

“That’s because you’re spoiled, Snow White.” John smiled up at Sherlock, who hobbled over to the bedroom door and used his cane to close and lock it.

“I believe I am, Hungsman. I believe I am.”

**Author's Note:**

> this title is an actual song from Roger Waters  
> [More than 7 Dwarfs in Penis Land](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6ncnJ8dcWE)


End file.
